The Foundation of Relationships

There are many activities in our lives that we feel are therapeutic - playing music, cutting grass, washing dishes, and yes... cleaning the house. You may have your own things in life that help to ease stresses. 

For me, writing "Closing Thoughts" each evening is a therapeutic stress reliever. It allows me to share a small piece of my life with each of you, as we travel along life's journey together. Tonight's "Thoughts" are quite personal for me, but I feel that sharing them may possibly be of help to someone who has been or is in the same situation.

Today, one of my dearest friends announced her engagement to the man who has made such a positive difference in her life. I've known her for almost two years, and I haven't seen her this happy before. They'll both admit that their relationship isn't perfect, but they truly do love each other. That brings me to my point for tonight.

What are our relationships built on? 

The subject of dating and relationships has come up in many of my conversations over the past few months. To be clear, I have dated several women over the years. Unfortunately, none have really gone anywhere. Yet, in each of them, there was something to be learned. 

Know that these are very personal matters that I'm sharing; it's not easy for me to publicly write about this. Yet, I write my thoughts here and now because I feel that someone needs to hear them. Please keep this in mind while reading.

I was with a girl earlier this year. We had dated on and off since last year, and we decided to pursue a serious relationship during the spring. There was a slight age difference (she was a few years older), but neither of us seemed to care. 

It was just before spring break, and we decided to spend a weekend together. We were virtually inseparable. Yet, as time went by that Saturday, what had seemed like a blossoming relationship turned into an agonizing pitfall of despair. I knew that our relationship would not last much longer. 

We then had the discussion of what each other was wanting from a relationship. In short, she was wanting things that I was not willing to give. Plain and simple, I try my best to hold onto some standards. I said to her, "A healthy relationship is not built on physical attraction and pleasures. It takes a team effort to build a relationship. You have to take the time to know the person for who they are, not who you think they should be. You need to learn to love them before you jump into anything else." 

Her response, "I don't have time for that."

The next day, I left and never spoke with her again. 

Friends, I went through several weeks of beating myself up after that relationship with her was over. I still question some of my decisions during that period. Thank God that it was spring break that week; I was an emotional wreck. There were other things that happened that shook me to the core, but I won't share them here. Writing these "Thoughts" are just one way of my moving forward past this time in my life, and I greatly appreciate your taking the time to read them.

I share all of this with you to say this. 

Think about what we are building our relationships on. Are we solely seeking physical attraction, or are we truly attracted to the person for what they possess on the inside? Both of these are needed for a healthy, long-term relationship; truly, a relationship cannot survive without a deep-seeded love and affection for each other. 

When you say "I love you" to that special someone, think about what that means. Are those three words merely said out of convenience, or are they the spoken-word proof of an abiding love for your mate? 

May we build our relationships on strong, sturdy foundations. Remember, we are in this for the long haul, my friends. 

Finally, for those who have dealt or are dealing with emotional abuse in a relationship, take courage. I have been down that path, and I have allowed myself to take the beating. I even questioned my own morals and values because I thought they were wrong. Words can cut straight to the heart, and they can break us down. Thank God that I had such wonderful family and friends to put me back together again. Lean on them during this season of your life.

Dear friends, never stop believing in the right things, and never let anyone try to change who you are. Respect yourself, and love for all the right reasons.